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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480611">you're going to hate this</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkrent/pseuds/silkrent'>silkrent</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tiny Meat Gang (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Gay, M/M, ngl this is rly self indulgent n i hope it brings u the same comfort it brought me while writing it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkrent/pseuds/silkrent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>he clears his throat and he’s about to reach out to shake his hand, but as soon as he raises his head to look at the guy something inside of him stops working for a second. the words die on his lips and in his mind it appears, in all caps: there it is. this is what used to drive all the dudes from school crazy, whatever it is, it’s this feeling that it’s making cody go haywire.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cody Ko/Noel Miller</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you're going to hate this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi, i have a couple things to say before you start reading so bear with me :’)</p><p>i wrote this months ago while listening to “you’re going to hate this” by the frights, that’s why i chose that title, and the prompt in my head was cody being a simp for noel just existing and being as cool as he is lol but then this turned out to be longer and kind of a comfort story if that makes sense.<br/>i translated it in english because otherwise nobody would read it (so i apologize in advance for any mistakes) and i realized, wow, it’s new year’s eve, might as well post it as a little gift and wish everyone a happy new year! so here i am, i hope you’re all doing okay &lt;3</p><p>last but not least, this is obviously just fiction. these are just characters based on the boys and i respect aleena and kelsey so damn much!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>while growing up cody knows very well he’s not like his confident, popular friends; he knows he’s compensating with an excessive effort to seem funny and too many hours spent in front of the mirror trying to understand how to comb his hair in order to look cooler. he tries to build a chill, easygoing persona but the truth is, he likes to study. he cares about not failing his classes and finds interesting most of what his peers describe as “nerd topics”. he’s insecure everytime he wants to talk about what he’s passionate about and he’s never sure if he’s still allowed to go around with his converse from two years ago, he doesn’t care, he still likes them, but he <em>can’t</em>. and why? for who? <em>for the girls</em>, cody presumes and he observes them, trying to feel something, anything when he earns a smile or a greeting from them. he tries so hard. <em>what is it that it’s supposed to drive me crazy, exactly?</em> he wonders, and wonders, and wonders. he dares to ask one day, casual like; just to know where to look. his friends give him a weird look and don’t take him seriously, and cody shuts down, blushing a little, ashamed. he’s frustrated, he’s angry at himself for not knowing the answer. his friends talk about boobs, lips, their perfumes that are way too sweet for cody’s likings. <em>maybe i should just wait some more. maybe i’m just slow at this.</em> he lies in bed staring at the ceiling, but nothing changes.</p><p>cody matures, however, but his thoughts rather dwell on his classmates’ arms when they cast to dunk while playing basketball in gym class, or on their rosy cheeks when they’re tipsy at a party and throw their arms around him humming god knows what song, cody doesn’t know, because he’s paralyzed and his attention is entirely focused on the closeness to the body of another... <em>guy</em>. cody has understood, and he doesn’t get angry, but he feels alone. he knows he has to lie, at least for now.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>he still can’t believe he’s done with the absolute mess that high school is. he’s really confused about his future but it doesn’t matter. he’s happy, happier than ever, and he just wants to be independent while he waits for a light bulb to turn on in his brain and tell him what to do. he finds a job, spends his holidays at the beach with his family and finally he goes living on his own. well, with a flatmate. while driving towards his new house cody can’t stop smiling, and maybe he also sheds some tears, because he can finally <em>let go</em>. and breathe as much as he wants.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>“i’m content with this place. decent neighborhood, and we can both stand in the kitchen at the same time” the roomate comments with a chuckle after dropping his bags on the floor. cody is piling up the dirty laundry and just replies with a distracted “uh-huh” before walking up to him to introduce himself. he clears his throat and he’s about to reach out to shake his hand, but as soon as he raises his head to look at the guy something inside of him stops working for a second. the words die on his lips and in his mind it appears, in all caps: <strong><em>there it is</em></strong>. this is what used to drive all the dudes from school crazy, whatever it is, it’s this feeling that it’s making cody go haywire. he suddenly realizes he’s been wearing the same shirt for three days and his hair probably looks dull and messy. <em>of course</em> his first crush had to meet him in a situation like this.</p><p>the new guy looks amused as he tilts his head and licks his lips. “i’m noel, nice to meet you” he introduces himself grabbing cody’s hand and giving him another look, but it doesn’t feel like the way cody’s classmates used to look at him, it’s nicer, almost friendly. and cody remembers it’s not four in the afternoon and he’s sitting in a filthy basement with a bunch of zits on his forehead; nope, he’s 22 and he’s living 30 miles away from his parents. “i’m cody” he says. “welcome. do you wanna stand together in the kitchen for a while and be excited for the square feet?” and noel bursts into laughter as he brings his luggage to his bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>cody is surprised when he looks at the calendar and finds out it’s already november. time flew by because he found himself getting along very well with noel; they share the same sense of humor, they have a bunch of common interests and the things that differentiate them still perfectly match one another. sure, he has to try hard not to blush whenever noel smiles at him or brushes his shoulder when walking past him, but he can live with that. he can think about it later.</p><p>“oh god, listen to this” noel begins; they’re sitting on the sofa after dinner watching a ted bundy documentary. “my classmates from high school have resurrected and would like to go out for dinner together to hang out again” he explains and then looks at cody, sticking out his tongue to make a disgusted face. cody smiles, lowkey surprised, but he decides not to open up yet and proceeds with caution.</p><p>“why, wouldn’t you like that?”</p><p>noel purses his lips and shakes his head, throwing his phone on the coffee table in front of them. “not in a million years dude. i’d rather, i don’t know, spend my money for a dinner with your family instead, not for a bunch of dickheads that just wanna show you that they’re still more successful than you” he replies, cody can see he’s trying to look indifferent but he’a actually still brooding of resentment. cody tries not to pay attention to the part of him that focused on the fantasy of introducing noel to his parents and nods. “i mean, those guys have always made fun of me for doing something that was considered different from the usual” noel goes on. “i’ve forced fake smiles for years, just to make it through the day without pissing myself off too much. i’ve endured their same old convos when they talk with their dicks and not with their brains, assuming the have one. i was so moved when i graduated because i knew i didn’t have to see them anymore and i told my mom it was because of the ceremony” he finishes his story with a chuckle and turns to cody, who’s fascinated like a kid looking at fireworks. <em>how is he so confident to just admit all that? how is he able to care so little about what other people think? i, in comparison, look like an absolute idiot that would do anything just to have people’s approval, and i would die just to know a single thing more about him. actually, now that i think about it, how could he ever think i’m a good company?</em>  “oh, tell me about it” he smiles, waving his hand.</p><p>“what do you mean?”</p><p>cody stiffens, but then he lets go. it’s safe to open up with noel. “i couldn’t stand my friends either. well, <em>so-called</em> friends. i’ve never felt like i was fitting in, i used to worry about everything.”</p><p>“oh” noel sighs. “it would’ve been cool to be friends during high school. i would’ve taught you not to care too much and we would’ve both found at least one decent company” and he smiles again, irremediably making cody blush.</p><p>“i would’ve loved that” the latter admits losing himself in noel’s green eyes that were already staring back at him, then the documentary starts again and that’s that, but both of them can’t get their smile off their lips.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>“mom, i swear you’re not missing anything” cody insists running a hand through his hair, exasperated. “i don’t even have a table big enough for all of us, trust me” noel notices his foot nervously tapping on the ground and gives him a questioning look. cody scoffs and tells the phone “it’s just a stupid apartment, you don’t need to come and have lunch here, i’m gonna take you to a nice restaurant around here!” and noel nods, then shrugs to let him know there’s no problem for him if they stop by, but cody shakes his head. he’s aware of how embarrassing his family can be. “mom i swear, stop begging m–” he starts, but noel grabs his hand to slightly distance the phone from his ear and leans over to say “you can come anytime, cody is just acting defensive because i’m a better cook than him! i promise there’s enough space, i’ll cook you something worthy of a restaurant!” and he moves away, winking at cody and ruffling his hair before going back to his room. cody stops working for a few seconds at the sudden closeness to noel’s face, but then he smiles and replies to his mother’s enthusiasm. “ok, you won. see you tomorrow”.</p><p>and the lunch goes perfectly. noel is playful, he adapts and reassures cody with a look when his dad starts with his political monologues after exaggerating with alcohol.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>noel bursts into laughter. they’re sitting on the sofa, still the same sofa, staring at the tv and almost all the lights in the house are off.</p><p>“what?” cody grins.</p><p>“i just pictured the scene from an outside perspective” noel explains. “you and me indoors on new year’s eve, staring at the countdown on the TV” at that point cody joins noel and laughs along. “well you can always text some of your old classmates, see what they’re up to tonight...” he jokes, laughing even more at the obscene whine noel emits in response.</p><p>“i’m going to be honest, it’s not that bad being here” cody then admits. “the holidays are overrated anyway”</p><p>“true” noel agrees; he turns to cody and sees him yawning, his eyelids lower for a moment before he shrugs and straightens his position on the couch; he looks so pretty in that yellow hoodie he’s always wearing. he scratches his chin covered by his two days old beard and his cheeks are lit up by the static light that comes from the TV. “why were you different?” noel’s question breaks the silence.</p><p>cody looks at him, confused. “from what?”</p><p>“in high school, i mean. why were you always worrying and such?”</p><p>cody shrugs, looking defensive all of a sudden. “i liked to study” he just says, attempting to drop the topic.</p><p>“sure” noel sarcastically nods.</p><p>“it’s a real issue! if i dared to say i liked math they would’ve stopped inviting me to parties!” cody insists, pouting.</p><p>“okay, fair” noel grants. “and how were you at parties? a wallflower?”</p><p>“no, i like to party. i like to make new friends” cody answers. “it’s just...” and he hesitates, but noel won’t shift his gaze away from his face. “well, i didn’t go all the way with girls. i wasn’t interested” he finally says, but it doesn’t come out disgracefully, it doesn’t sound awful like he had imagined. it’s just the truth. it’s how he his, and that’s okay.</p><p>“i thought botany was tight” noel replies very casually. he was expecting cody’s answer, still actually hearing it caught him off guard. “i meant this when i said “do something unusual”. you can imagine the kind of comments”</p><p>“plants are cool as fuck” cody objects. “school is stupid”</p><p>noel giggles. “cheers, i’ll drink to that bro” and he leans forward to grab his beer and take a sip. when he leans back on the backrest catches cody staring at him. “the countdown is right in front of you, you know” he teases.</p><p>“hey, i didn’t say shit before when <em>you</em> were staring at me” cody mumbles blushing and making noel blush as well.</p><p>he’s sick of it. sick of the fact that all of his memories are the miserable ones from school. memories in which he’s made fun of, in which he has to repress who he is, memories that don’t include a kind, loud boy named cody. so he leans over and kisses him, softly. and cody has never done it before. he feels that amazing, still a bit unknown feeling but a million times more intense, and after a moment he kisses back and reaches over to place his hand behind noel’s neck, stroking his buzzed, dark hair.</p><p>the TV suddenly starts making festive sounds, fireworks of lots of different colors explode on the screen.</p><p>“wouldn’t have been easier to just tell each other we like to suck dick months ago?”</p><p>noel smiles big, caressing cody’s cheek. “what can i say, i like to be dramatic.”</p><p>cody chuckles. “happy new year, noel.”</p><p>“what a damn cliché. happy new year, cody.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>feedback is appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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